


puzzle pieces

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Na Jaemin-centric, implied renhyuck, jaemin struggles, ji in is only mentioned like twice, the dreamies love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25890223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jaemin (thinks he) sees nine months of painstaking preparations shatter in a single moment. His members are there to pick up the pieces and Jaemin finds the strength to keep going.
Relationships: Na Jaemin & Everyone, Na Jaemin/Kim Ji In
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36
Collections: Anonymous





	puzzle pieces

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this for ridin' first win but then I forgot about it until now lmao uhhh happy late birthday Jaemin? Please lower ur expectations don't say i didn't warn you 
> 
> [playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ZOMwIBsqkAeH3WS67Nswg?si=xKqyUX17Qaun4NTX8zYlig)

It’s 3 am and Jaemin can’t sleep, again. It’s been close to a year since they’ve had a comeback but more than that, this is their last time promoting as six. Jaemin has faith in his groupmates (that’s an understatement really—after all the time they’ve spent together he trusts them with his life) but the pressure is immense, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling it a little.

“Jaemin. _Jaemin_ ,” a stern and insistent voice drags him out of his reverie. “You’re thinking so loudly I can almost hear the mess inside your head.” Renjun cocks an eyebrow at him. “Don’t worry. This comeback will be great; we’ve worked so hard for so long there’s really nothing to worry about so please. Give our fans some credit.”

Jaemin lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I know, Injunnie. Thanks for the reminder.”

Renjun smiles. “Let’s go to sleep, yeah? It’s getting late.”

“Okay,” Jaemin agrees. “Goodnight.”

-

Jaemin feels like the ground is falling from beneath his feet. This can’t be happening. There’s no way this is real. Nine whole months of preparation and this is _all his fault_. No, this can’t be happening. This is all a bad dream he’s going to wake up and find out that none of this was real. Dream should be trending because of their upcoming album and not because of _this_ —

-

Their nonstop, jam-packed schedule is exhausting. Jaemin wants to cuddle with Renjun under the covers of his bed and lay there for hours with the lights off just talking, unloading all the worries off their chests into the comforting darkness of the room like they used to do, but but Renjun’s concerned enough as it is by Donghyuck who’s currently being worked down to the bone with back to back 127 and Dream promotions.

“Donghyuck’s staying over tonight,” Renjun mumbles and Jaemin nods, granting Renjun’s indirect entreaty for space. Jaemin hadn’t noticed it then, but watching the replay of their countdown V Live, he saw how Renjun’s arm had remained slung over Donghyuck for the duration of the whole live, their thighs glued together. For all their bickering, they found a way to remain attached the entire time. Jaemin’s heart kind of hurts seeing how hard Renjun is trying to ease Donghyuck’s mind, but he’s happy Donghyuck has Renjun to look out for him.

-

Jaemin couldn’t help but be weighed down by an overwhelming guilt. They had spent the past nine months preparing for this comeback, their last as this specific unit (and as much as Jaemin missed and respected Mark, there was just something undeniably special about their little group of six), and right as it seemed that this comeback could be something record-breaking, right as Ridin’ hit first on Melon, the rumors spread. Renjun had his quiet, white-hot anger simmering barely contained beneath his skin. “It’s not your fault Jaemin,” he insists. “Fuck the fans. Fuck the fans and fuck SM, fuck them all. They don’t own you.”

“But we’re idols,” Jaemin tries to protest weakly. “I’ve let them down, I shouldn’t have been so careless—”

 _You know how the fans are. You know how personally our fans take dating scandals._ Jaemin’s words hang heavy and unspoken between the two of them, his eyes shining with a desperate plea. And Renjun _gets it,_ he does, knows that out of all the Dream members Jaemin would be the one most affected by this sort of news. _Of course_ he was the one that got exposed. Jaemin, with his too big heart overflowing with affection, who lavishes every fan he meets in attention and the ones he can’t see in person too. Jaemin, whose every waking moment is consumed by thoughts of the people he loves, who does nothing but give, and give, and give.

“It’s not your fault,” Renjun repeats, more firmly. “They _do not_ own you.” Renjun has many more choice words for the fans that think they have exclusive rights to an idol’s life, to their love, just because they spend their money on said idol, and for their company. He had never cared much for SM’s suffocating restrictions, daring to push the rules he had the most issues with to the limit and then some.

“Maybe the staff will issue a statement,” Jaemin begins hopefully.

Renjun scoffs. “They won’t say shit. SM never says anything on things like this.” SM leaves its artists to fend for themselves on unofficial rumors like this because a big company like SM knows better than anyone else that at the end of the day, these rumors will be buried and forgotten, the damage in the long run all but nonexistent. Jaemin knows all this but that doesn’t make the pain of the present any more bearable. It’s 4 am and he can’t sleep so he opens up Bubble, shame and regret sitting heavy on his chest. Nana loves Czennies, he writes. Nana loves Czennies most. He and whichever fans are also lonely and unfortunate enough to still be awake at this hour go back and forth about who loves who most until he gives in because Ridin’ was number one on the charts—again! Jaemin feels the dark cloud hanging over him ease slightly because fuck, he had been so worried he had singlehandedly ruined Reload’s chance of success.

-

Chenle had moved into the dream dorm again when they started promotions. Jaemin had missed him. They’re all a little extra careful with Chenle these days.

He sees how hard Chenle is trying during their countdown V Live to get screen time, sees the effort the younger is making to insert himself into the conversation, resolutely reading the cue cards in a language he is still not one hundred percent comfortable with. Jaemin, tucked securely between Jisung’s legs, sees Chenle _trying_ and his heart breaks. Chenle, with his open-mouthed, high-pitched laughter that flows so easily whenever he’s around the other members. Chenle, filled with (seemingly endless) joy who gave up his budding stardom and left home for an unfamiliar country so many years ago. Chenle is strong, so strong, but years of being overlooked and shoved into the background by his own company take a toll on even his cheer. Donghyuck has noticed it too. His explicit promise to be a better hyung to Chenle was a little surprising to all of them.

Jaemin drapes himself over the younger, whose locks have been freshly dyed jet black. “Chenle,” he whines. “What are you doing?” And Chenle who normally pushes Jaemin away when he tries to smother him in affection, lets him stay there. He lets Jaemin hang around his neck and coo in his ear and Jaemin chatters on about everything and nothing at all. Jaemin finishes an anecdote about grabbing breakfast with Jeno that morning when Chenle interrupts.

“Hyung,” the younger prods. “You know we love you right?”

Jaemin blinks, opens his mouth and then closes it. “Of course!” he responds, voice dripping with cheesiness. His aegyo is back full blast, the moment before nothing more than a glitch in the Jaemin charm matrix. “And I love you, our darling Chenle-yah.”

Chenle squawks as Jaemin attacks his cheeks, his shrieks increasing in pitch. “Leave me alone, hyung!” Chenle falls from the couch to the ground in his haste to escape Jaemin’s barrage of kisses. Jaemin just laughs, heart full.

-

They’re filming their MV commentary video when they see that Ridin’ is number one on Melon and every single other song on their album is also charting. Jaemin flings his hands in the air, his first gut reaction to let out a whoop of “NCTzens we love you!” Jisung is all over the place, the youngest member unable to believe his eyes, and honestly Jaemin can’t really believe it either so his arms stay up and Renjun runs in circles behind him. He still thinks he’s dreaming but he snaps out of it enough to envelop Jisung with his arms (“aww baby, don’t cry,” he coos) and Jeno has Renjun pinned to the wall ( _yikes,_ Jaemin thinks wryly. _Poor guy has been struggling a bit ever since Renjun and Hyuck went exclusive)_ and then all four of them are hugging, a hot-wired clump of equal parts disbelief and joy.

-

Jisung has always been extra close to Jaemin’s heart. Jaemin jokes about it in front of the camera all the time but it’s hard not to feel like he raised the younger boy like his own child after the years of training they spent together. Jisung’s grown so much, Jaemin muses, thoughts tinged with wistfulness. He’s always been aware of Jisung’s growth, from when he debuted to when Jisung’s height surpassed his own, but these days he feels it far more acutely, that Jisung is no longer, the wide-eyed, innocent boy who came to the company with big dreams and a bigger love for dance—well, he still is, but at the same time he’s so much more.

“Hyung,” Jisung hesitates.

“Hm?”

“You know we wouldn’t be the same without you right? Dream wouldn’t be the same.”

“Of course I know,” Jaemin drawls, an indulgent smile pulling at his lips. “What did it take for you to be able to express your love to me like this? Forgive me, I was wrong before: it _is_ worth it to raise kids!”

Jisung splutters. “Forget it. Can you make me lunch? I’m hungry.”

“Gladly.”

When Jaemin places the plate of kimchi fried rice in front of Jisung he ruffles the younger’s hair and murmurs a quiet thank you. “Hyung loves you too, you know.”

(Jisung eats eagerly. “Chenle is still my favorite member.”

A scoff of indignation. A flick upon the ear. “Brat.”

Then, “It’s okay. I still love you most.”)

-

Jaemin hadn’t been unhappy with his comeback stage performance. He’d watched his fancam, made a few notes to himself, and vowed to be better for tomorrow’s schedule. But things never go as planned and he gets too excited and stumbles dangerously close to Jisung at the end of their Ridin’ stage for Music Core and he feels his heart plummet. That same day, he does the wrong move during the chorus of Quiet Down. The next day, both Jeno and Jaemin’s mic packs fall out almost as soon as they start dancing and the two struggle with the rogue pieces of equipment for most of the entire performance. Jaehyun had bought them drinks and Jaemin tries to enjoy it but all he can see when he looks at the neatly stacked coffees is Jeno’s pack swinging dangerously in his peripheral vision as he tries to shove his own back in his pocket and Donghyuck messing up the arm choreography in the chorus. It’s okay, he tries to tell himself. Jeno and Donghyuck are nothing if not professional. Jaemin too. But _god,_ as if his rumors negatively affecting the comeback weren’t enough, Jaemin keeps messing up onstage and he’s so _frustrated_ with himself. He’s never made this many mistakes in his life before, not as a trainee and not after he came back to promote with Dream again after his months’ long hiatus. He’s afraid to look at comments, afraid of what they might say. He can imagine though, based off the few he read before Renjun snatched his phone away from his hands and switched his screen to display the latest meme he’d sent to their group chat instead.

([+23, -5] SM is really letting their artists go these days aren’t they? First Chen gets a girl pregnant and has to get married, and now Na Jaemin is dating? I can’t even look at his face anymore.

[+15, -4] fuck…. After that bitch posted that to her story dreamzens have lost all motivation to stream… I don’t know who to get mad at anymore. Who even let him film that drama??

[+21, -7] Jaemin always made the biggest deal about loving czennies. What a fake, turns out he was the one dating this whole time. How does he expect us to continue loving him if he’s been lying this whole time?)

He imagines:

[+12, -3] Jaemin come on… Why are you dating if you can’t even dance properly? This is why rookies should just focus on practicing, so they don’t mess up onstage.

-

Donghyuck monitors his own performances the closest. “I thought you wanted to come over so we could spend time together,” Renjun complains. “The only thing you’ve done since we got back is watch that fancam over and over.” Donghyuck ignores him in favor of replaying the incriminating evidence again for the umpteenth time.

Renjun picks at his cuticles as Jaemin threads his fingers through his bleached strands. “I lost track of how many times he’s watched that stupid fancam. His eyes are going to fall out of his head at this rate. We finished recording, there’s nothing we can change about that stage at this point—” Renjun clenches his fist, unclenches, and exhales. “It’s good to monitor so we can put on a better performance next time but this? This is obsessive.” Jaemin murmurs his assent, continuing to stroke Renjun’s hair and the older leans into the touch. “I’m probably worried over nothing,” Renjun laughs, just a touch too bright for it to be convincing. “He’s always like this.”

Jaemin’s not sure why they keep messing up. Maybe it’s because they no longer have an audience for their stages. There’s something unsettling about performing in front of a gaping darkness, empty space where a living, breathing ocean of neon green once sat, met with an eerie silence instead of wild cheers. Regardless, Jaemin knows there’s nothing he can say to Renjun that will make a difference. So he hums and tugs gently at Renjun’s hair, the way he knows calms Renjun, and Renjun’s eyes flutter shut. “Mm,” he sighs. “Let’s stay like this a little while longer.”

-

It was a drama Jaemin had filmed over a year ago. Jaemin was good looking and Jaemin was charming and Jaemin was a _flirt_ —even when he doesn’t realize it—and so it was inevitable really, with how much time the two co-stars spent together, that Ji In would fall for him. One thing led to another and by the end of the filming Jaemin had emerged with a web drama to his name, a new most texted contact in his phone, and an extra profile added to his Netflix account. When the rumors first came out their company had been quick to squash them with a statement that wasn’t _technically_ a lie, just something that wasn’t the whole truth, and that was that, and Jaemin had foolishly, thought, hoped, that he and Ji In were in the clear.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I know how hard and how long you guys have been working on this comeback and I’m sorry I was so careless.”

“It’s okay,” Jaemin sighs. “These things are bound to happen. It’s not your fault.” Distantly, he thinks about how Renjun disagrees. Renjun was more than a little angry at Ji In but Jaemin is grateful his friend chose to keep any biting remarks to himself in favor of comforting Jaemin.

-

He wants to confide in Jeno but he doesn’t think it’s fair of him when Jeno has so much on his mind already. The older boy had seamlessly—like everything else he does, because that’s who Jeno is, hardworking, uncomplaining, taking everything in stride, doing everything asked of him and more—stepped up into the role of leader once Mark left, but Jaemin knows how burdened Jeno feels. (Jaemin had seen the relief flash in Jeno’s eyes, plain as day despite the older immediately schooling his features into a well-practiced expression of stoic indifference when the staff had announced that Dream would be a fixed unit and promoting as seven again. After all, Jeno was his oldest friend. It’s hard to hide anything from someone you’ve known for eight years, so Jaemin sees straight through Jeno’s mask and sends a silent prayer of thanks up to whoever or whatever may be up there for the opportunity for Jeno to finally get a break. Later Jaemin asks Jeno how he feels about the news but Jeno just gives a noncommittal hum of, “it’ll be nice to have his guidance in the recording studio again.” Jaemin swallows back his frustration, his desire to push further, to shake Jeno by the shoulders and ask _why,_ even after all the years,the older still insists on shouldering his hardships alone, for being his own totem of strength—to scream that he doesn’t have to do this because Jaemin is here for him, has always been here for him, and will always be here for him and there is nothing wrong with admitting he’s relieved by the announcement, that being consoled by Mark’s return doesn’t make him any less of a leader for the brief time he held that role.

-

They are nominated for first on Music Bank. Before they go onstage, they tell themselves over and over to not expect anything because that’s the only way they won’t be disappointed. They’re nominated for first place and Jaemin wants this so badly, but he knows the chances of winning are slim, so he repeats with the rest of his members, “don’t expect anything. Do your best so you’re proud of the stage you put on but don’t expect to win.” Jaemin says all that but he wants that damn trophy so badly, if only so he doesn’t have to see Jisung’s face fall yet again.

-

Another day, another schedule. They’re on a radio show and Jaemin is excited, he likes this show and knows Renjun especially likes being on the radio these days with his DJ gig. Then the MCs ask Jaemin for Netflix recommendations and the blood drains from his face. The hosts had been nothing but kind to them so far, making the atmosphere as comfortable as possible for the members, so Jaemin tries to convince himself that they meant nothing of it, that they couldn’t possibly know of the rumors currently plaguing him, that they saw too many comments asking about shows to have been a coincidence and simply thought fans were that curious. Jeno smiles, like he does to everything, and exchanges a look with Chenle whose face has immediately set into a stony mask. Renjun and Haechan shift uncomfortably behind Jaemin as he struggles to both answer and evade the question. 

_Why,_ he thinks. _Why is this happening why am I bringing the group down they don’t deserve this at all_ and wonders, yet again, if the rumors following him will ever go away ever go away. His mind is running a mile a minute but he manages to eke out what he hopes to be a calm and collected response—reasonable, because Jaemin is nothing if not professional (getting your relationship exposed via a careless Instagram story isn’t very professional, his treacherous brain supplies), and he thinks the hosts can sense he’s reaching so they throw him a lifeline and Jaemin has never been more thankful. He clings on, the MCs pulling him away from what could have been a dangerous situation, and Renjun and Haechan drag him out of the vicious waters as they both force out laughter (too loud, too sharp, too fast) in response to the hosts’ quip. Jaemin can sense Jeno’s eyes on him for the entire remaining time of the radio show, can feel Jisung vibrating beside him with concern, and he tries to tell them it’s okay, he’s fine, tries his hardest to telepathically communicate that there’s no need to worry, tries to dampen the icy anger emanating from Chenle even after his face lost that frigid expression.

Jaemin’s smile is frozen on his face as they continue, the hosts transitioning smoothly into the next segment. He should’ve known that the little act Dream had put on just now wouldn’t have fooled them though. Both hosts have been in the industry for too long to not have developed the ability to discern when there’s a hidden side to the story (although in entertainment, this was almost always the case) and the host mutters an apology to Jaemin during the commercial break. Jaemin nods, appreciative once again of their seniors, who don’t even fully know what they’re apologizing for, and the ice inside his veins thaws slightly. Jisung cracks a perfectly timed joke and the remaining tension melts away, all the members breaking out into genuine laughter, and Jaemin radiates little warm waves of love towards their youngest. 

They spin the wheel, answer questions, spin the wheel again, make up more bullshit to satiate the fans, and Jaemin falls back into the rhythm of his job. Behind him, Renjun is still waging his personal war against every so called fan who made it a point to ask about Netflix, and Jaemin shoves all thoughts of _this is your fault maybe if you had been better, better at hiding, better at dancing, better at—_ into the back of his mind, for now at least. (He will maybe probably most definitely revisit that dark place in his head when it’s time to sleep and he’s alone with his thoughts in bed though.)He complains that Haechan is picking on him today and knows the older recognizes his whining for the “thank you for supporting me, I love you” that it is. Jaemin walks out of the studio flanked by Renjun and Jeno, their arms never leaving his shoulder and his waist even for a minute, and spends the car ride home sandwiched firmly between the two youngest members (they had to fight for that spot: Jeno and Renjun had been quite unwilling to part from Jaemin). His head rests on Chenle’s shoulder and he squeezes Jisung’s hand as he lets any lingering discomfort from that close call in the radio studio trickle out his body.

This schedule ending means they’re onto the next. Their timetable has been planned out down to the minute, accounting for the best and worst case scenarios and everything in between, with absolutely no time to rest. Jaemin doesn’t think too much about it, trusting his managers to handle the logistics as he and his fellow members are shuttled from one place to the next. Together, always together. He closes his eyes and breathes.

-

“Go Dream!” The cheer is drowned out by the bustle backstage but as cheesy as it is, Jaemin feels it resonate in his soul. He's always loved his members and knows he always will, but standing here, surrounded by them before they begin their next music show recording, his heart swells even more. Jeno, their leader, their rock, holding them together with his quiet strength and presence; Donghyuck, perhaps the only member who can match his chaos an eye for an eye, who he is more and more grateful for every day; Renjun, his best friend, the one who understands him without a single word; Chenle, the steady beacon of light who he thinks he hasn’t properly appreciated until recently; Jisung, their precious youngest, the member who might as well be his son at this point. Jaemin smirks and looks into the camera and lets the opening beats of their title track wash over him. He’s good at this, he belongs onstage, belongs in the center. This is what he was born to do. This is where he shines brightest. 

_Yeah_ , Jaemin thinks. _We’ll be okay. We’ll get through this, together._

**Author's Note:**

> ??????????!^@()@(#*_& hi first of all if you read that whole thing, thank you so much! I never thought I would write anything canon compliant or anything Jaemin-centric, much less something that's both, but here we are 🤪 thank u for dealing with my overuse of commas and adverbs and my inability to end things or title them! despite all that I hope you enjoyed :') remember that at the end of the day this is fanfic (FICTION) and should be taken as such. I hope jaemin had a lovely bday, pls send him some love if you haven't already <3


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